The importance of parenting

It is Strawberries season!!! Usually a box of strawberries cost about 3-4pounds? But now Asda is selling it for 1pound a box! Same amount of FRESH RED JUICY STRAWBERRIES!!! Took pictures but haven't upload because I have packed up most of my things. Hence, the laziness =p Will upload soon. Anyway I'd like to talk about something interesting today...about life...about creating a life...what does giving birth to a child actually means.

As usual, today I went out to catch a bus (a little too early but better earlier than late, considering the irregular buses lately due to road works) to work. Yesterday I was marginally on time =p Anyway, I usually sit in the same spot, one seat behind a seat for disabled/senior citizens/mothers with prams as the space in front is for pram parking in the bus. Lately the weather has been sunny sunny and VERY sunny! Occassional chills but all in all, way better than winter and loads of scorching sun! So yesterday, I witness something that disturbed me...adding to what I saw today, it mezmorised me!

Yesterday a mother with a pram with a child in it sat in front of me. The mother parked the pram in a way that the child is facing the bus window. Not forgetting, the sun is SCORCHING! The poor child was SCREAMING away! No, I'm not exaggerating! Every one in the bus was looking but no one said anything. I was blasting music with headphones but I could still hear the poor kid screaming in pain and the child's skin was RED! Guess what the mother did?! She just did an occasional 'Shhh...' (which was less than 3 times throughout the 20mins journey!) and gently touch the child's face. HELLO!!! What difference does it make?! The child could barely talk! What more to understand your 'Shhh..' Pft! It really pissed me off but I could not tell people how to 'treat' their child?! But the mother is nonsense!

Today, I saw a totally different side of some mothers. The same situation as yesterday. Typically prams are parked so that the child face the window for easy exit of the pram at stops. Anyway, today it was as hot as yesterday (me sitting by the window makes me feel 10shades darker!) so you could imagine the heat! The child wasn't happy (duh) and started making faces. Immediately the mother used her hands to block the sun from the child's face. With no effect, the mother took of her jacket and hung it against the railing so that it blocks the sun off. Minutes later, she realize it wasn't working as well as the sun exposure was too wide and the poor child was squinching her eyes. The mother immediately got up when the bus stopped and she turned the pram the other way round so the child would be away from the window.

This is what I call effective parenting. Not letting ur child to scorch in the hot sun and leaving them to scream their lungs out in a public situation where people could easily sue you for child abuse! Then it got me thinking...it is so easy for people to make babies and children but do they first think about parenting? Throughout my Uni years and experiences, I can never look down on the importance of parenting skills. It takes so much to be a good mother/father, to provide for your child, to treat your child with unconditional tender loving care, to be there when your child needs you, to think about your child's interest before yours. It takes so much! It somehow makes me fear of being a mother in the future. Being unable to bring up a proper human being.

It is easy for people to say that reproducing is essential for evloutionary purposes but what if you fail to bring up a proper child with decent values? It is easy to say 'This is right. This is the best for my child' but how sure are you?! What if it is not? According to studies, the first 5 years of a child's life is essential in the development of the child's future. Everything the child experience, sees and learnt are for life. Actually personally, I think a child's whole childhood period is important. They are like a sponge that absorbs everything. Who and what (in terms of values) a person is is highly reflective of their parents. Negative or positive, a child takes it all in.

Some people would argue that the teen/adult should know what is wrong and what is right so they should judge for themselves at that age. Then again, it is easy to say but it is human nature to have a sense of conformity. "If my parents did it, it should be okay for me to do it too" Why is it that devient individuals usually have a bad family background? Which direction is the causality? Bad individual->bad family conditions or bad family conditions->bad individual? I believe in high internality, meaning people should have a high internal locus of control instead of external. Having said that, parenting is essential in building a foundation for the values of internality. With the wrong values embedded in one, internality or externality, doesn't make a difference. An individual is scared for life. People take actions based on their values and beliefs which are learnt throughout their childhood years.

People tend to forget how important BOTH parents are to a child. To us, it is easy to say 'If the relationship is not going well, get a divorce'. Yes, but what about the child? There is so much going on in their little heads. I feel sad for them...having to go through something they don't understand, to accept the way something is just because mummy or daddy says so. Adults make divorce look so easy but it is never easy for the child. As much as we hide things away from children, they are human after all, they would be smart enough to guess what is going on. Then?! What should parents do when they are stuck in a passionless relationship?

Either hang on till the child is mature enough or TALK to the child. Yes, they might hate you (for couple of days max) or scream at you or storm away...but don't ever blame them. Don't slap them for being rude. Those reactions are normal. It always struck me hard when I think about the mixed feelings a child go through as an effect of his/her parents. Why get married and have a child when you can't afford to bring the child up in a loving environment?! Bringing a child to life then defeats the purpose of creating a beautiful life. This is not a trial and error thing...practice does makes perfect but not in this situation. We can't trash the 'default' and create a new one. Imagine if people 'create' 5 children and only manage to bring up a child properly out of the 5? Bringing a child in to this world is a huge responsibility!

I don't understand teenage pregnancy-did you even think of the emotional responsibilities of bringing up the child? I don't understand divorce-why get married in the first place? I don't understand infidelity-WHY?!Stop being so horny and greedy! I don't understand marriage-how sure are you that you would still be with this person years after?

Life is a journey of risk to take. We tend to make mistakes and never learn from it. It is sad to see people we know being victims. It is sad to listen to the pain people go through in life. It is sad......but it is life. Having said so, I would very much like to help children and teenagers get a better understanding of the crazy world out there. Emotional support is so important...to everyone. There is a reason why someone does something. We can't judge their actions based on our values. We won't know what they've been through and so we can't say "I know exactly how you feel" because we don't.

Lashing out on someone takes a split second, the effect.....is for a lifetime. Before you say something hurtful, think about where they've been and the possible reasons that brought them to choose what they chose. There is always a reason to an action...........