Cheese and ham ravioli, stir-fry vegetable and chicken fillet baked with buttered garlic mushrooms.**********
Define love. Grace said. To me, I think love is something you must have courage to get into. It is no easy job. How hard is it to love someone, you ask? Very! People always talk about love problems. About how it destroys your life when you make that stpd mistake of falling in love. Can you restrain from falling in love? Well some people can, some just can't. Being in a relationship involves the whole package of how willing are you to be committed to another person, how ready are you to give-and-take, how accepting are you towards his/her bad habits, how much are you ready to let go for him/her, how much freedom will you let him/her hold...
WARNING: The following are my opinions and should not be generalized. This is based on the earlier stages of being in love...the kind of love that a 19 year old (turning 20) like me thinks how it should be. FYI, I am not ready for marriage and babies and therefore, this post is based on being in a relationship that doesn't lead to marriage =)
There is no right or wrong about falling in or out of love. When you fall in love, you fall in love and feel that you're the luckiest b*tch in the world. When you fall out of love, you fall out love and bring yourself up as quickly as you can and move on. Yes, you will feel the sudden loneliness, the coldness when you're alone, the silence of your mobile phone, the smiles that comes out just by reading his/her text, the cuddles and kisses he/she give you when you need it most...and even when you didn't need it. Definitely, time will heal all that provided that you want to be healed. It's like psychology...you can't solve your problem just by seeing the psychologist and hoping they will 'heal' you. YOU have to play a part too!
I think it is important to have control of your own feelings. How much you are actually willing to put in. Always remember that the deeper you fall in love, that will be how deep it hurts when you fall out of love. You may say that you won't know when you fall too deep in love...trust me, you'll know! You're just in denial. When you start freaking out for the smallest thing he/she did, when you start thinking about his/her present/future more than your own, when you start being suicidal for him/her (that is the stpd-est thing ever)!!! Control yourself...know what you want out of this and draw a line.
There is no such thing as 'I want to love because I want to give. I don't want anything back'. Being in a relationship is a 50/50 thing. If you are not getting your 50, pack your suitcase and be gone! If you're not giving your 50, help him/her pack their suitcase and ask him/her to leave. I don't mean it materialistically but emotionally and morally. If he's flushing out cash and you are flushing out emotionally, this is going no where. I always believe in mutual contribution...until you reach a stage where 'what's-yours-is-mine-what's-mine-is-yours'...that is falling deeper in love. Being in a relationship doesn't literally mean two-become-one...you are still having your own feminine (masculine for guys) body with your own personality, your own thoughts, your own perceptions, and pretty much everything of your own. It is how you both collaborate what you have as an individual to make each other happy.
Being in a relationship doesn't mean you can put him/her before your friends. I have experienced uncountable instances where friends just drop you for their other half. To a certain extent, it is alright to choose him/her over your friends at certain occasions (like meeting up because you haven't met up for some time) but NEVER NEVER delete your friends! Some people rarely contact with their friends and only find them when they need comfort after an argument. So not cool! Those people deserve this two words: F*ck off! =) At the end of the day...your friends are the only people you can count on to help heal you when sh*t happens.
Relationship...relation...on a ship...okay am playing =p Another thing which people should know. Being in a relationship is all about TWO people (unless you're in some love triangle or orgyship =s) and no one else should have say in the direction the ship goes. Take their advises and digest it using your own cognition, not take and apply. If you're old enough to love, you're old enough to have a mind of your own. I've got a friend who's got a gf from another race and they've gone out for almost 6 years...they were planning to get married! Sadly, the girl's parents didn't allow him to marry her because he was from another race. Okay that is seriously BS! Common you guys! What century is this?! What does the colour of the person's skin got to do with the love you're feeling anyway? There is no correlation between skin colour and behaviour/attitude. No proven research. This would be a silly research topic anyway (Psyc students, don't use this as your dissertation topic =p). When you fall in love, fall in love with the personality and characteristics of the person...the colour and the stereotypes of the person's ethnicity don't matter!
Here's the ugly part. Breakups. I don't know about other people but to me, it is a big thing...something I wouldn't mess around with. Think before you act and make sure there will be no regrets (can you deal with the sudden loneliness etc?). When I call it quits, that is when it hits my limit. Everyone should have that limit and should obey by that limit. Being in a relationship is supposed to elevate your happiness level and not your emo level! If you are spending too much on tissues, drinking too much water to rehydrate your body from the tears, and changing wet pillowcases all the time, call it quits! There is room for A chance(no 's' behind). Everyone makes mistake and should deserve A chance to fix things up. Two is the MAX! Never will there be THREE chances to take that disappointing fella back! How can you feel the love after three 'potong-stim' occasions? Sorry but I only have that much stim and after it is gone, it ain't coming back! I will look for a new pot of water to boil to get a whole new stim =p Think twice, thrice, all you need to but make sure you stand by what you have finally decided.
It is human nature to like experiencing positive feelings...someone supporting you and giving you unconditional love. Interestingly, it doesn't mean that everyone wants to be loved (leave those people alone!), some people prefer having their own space. Individual differences =) so there is really no right or wrong whether to fall in love or not...it's just whether has the right person come by and whether you are committed to invest the necessary things to make it work.
Indeed a long post. Take and digest, do not take and apply until it goes through your own head for approval. I wasn't talking about anyone else in this post so don't feel offended in any way. Love y'all!
