Ex-es...Past, Present, Future

Most people seems to be amazed that I could actually stay friends with my ex-es. My question is...Why not?? Their question is...How the h*ll?


To me, it's simple. The main reason I get into a relationship is because I can relate to someone on a physical, emotional and mental level...someone I could call a friend, a mentor and a lover. If things don't work out on a lover level, it's okay. We can stay friends and be each other's mentor. Lets face it, there really is no happiness in forcing each other to stay together for the sake of...anything! If I get to a roadblock, I speak to him. Not shout, speak. If he feels the same way like I do, it's best we move on with our lives looking for things that would make us both happy. I would be lying if I said it was easy. It ain't. But the thing is, I know that short moment of pain will give me the freedom to be happy for a long period of time. I will definitely bare that pain.


Feelings might often be in the way, those deja vu moments, glimpse of places you've been together, belongings of each other in your possession etc. but ultimately, there's no point in dragging the past to the future if they are not willing to follow. Believe in yourself that you could always find someone who could be your friend, mentor AND lover. It is not easy but sometimes the grass is really greener on the other side. Don't settle for less but settle for what you are happy with...and I am sure no one would be happy with less.


Personally, I do not want to loose a friend and/or a mentor just because we couldn't proceed as lovers. It would be such a waste! Have respect to yourself by appreciating the fact that YOU chose that person to be your lover. If you are filled with hate and disgust towards him, doesn't it reflect upon YOU that YOU made the bad choice? Don't regret...always look on the bright side and learn from mistakes. That is how you gain experience and squeeze more juice out from the lemons of your life to make quality lemonades =)

Toyboy-cougar relationship

So I had this little dinner outing with my ex-colleagues who are interesting individuals to hang out with...furthermore, intelligent individuals. In addition to the wonderful topics that surfaced during the dinner, it was also concluded by one of them that my "life is an occasion". Thanks?! Anyway, back to the main focus of this post...we had a conversation about dating people of different age groups.

It was purely an assumption made that most 1988 born men actually find older women more attractive...and would actually date them. By older I meant 15years or older women. So here comes the debate. Is it acceptable??? Well personally, I will be thinking................WHAT THE FUCK?!??!?? No, this is not a inferiority complex shit...it is pure senseless logic. Well, to me. A female friend of mine mentioned that it is like "having a mother taking care of you". I find that very logical. So is it that men my age is actually going for older women because they do not have that motherly love? Okay this sounds very psychological but I think it could be a possible explanation. But then again, maternal instinct is always in women in general...hence, the nagging??? Don't get me wrong, I am not generalizing men... I am just questioning those who actually date 15years older women and think it is okay.

Then again, another friend of mine mentioned that "What's worse is that there are women that age who are interested in boys your (my) age". Yeah, that seemed to be a WTF moment for me too. Guess the guys are not solely to be blamed for their blood rushing to their penis but also the older women not differentiating what is morally right. Then again, women are being smart (further explanation below) =) . Yes, there is a term called MILF but it is purely a fantasy and not something to be condoned in reality. I guess it very much depends on what a guy wants...a relationship or a funship. If you are looking for funship and experience, yeah go for it. But if you are looking for a relationship, you are barking up the wrong tree.

Based on couple of studies done across culture and race, it was concluded that women look for stability in men when it comes to looking for a partner. Men on the other hand, focused on the physical appearance. So if Miss 48-year old thinks Mr 24-year old could provide her with the stability she needs and if Mr 24-year old is happy with Miss 48-year old's physical appearance, I pronounce you mad and insane. Having said that, I'm sure there are 24-year old men who are VERY stable and I respect that. Date all the MILF, GIFL and GGIFL you want (you sick bastard). Just don't get into a relationship with a way older woman and wonder wtf happened when you get ditched. Guess the results of the studies comes in hand when your blood rushes back to your brain in your skull. Older women here are being smart by using young men to re-live their younger days. They are for sure looking for funship and not a relationship. Do I blame them??? Smart women.

At the end of the day, know what you are looking for...and be prepared for the consequences. Don't pick blue and wonder why you feel blue. YOU chose it!

Relationship stress

Advice for women:
Men primarily want to be king of their castle, to be loved unconditionally and to make their woman happy. Relationship ‘killers’ will cause your man to become stressed, frustrated or even aggressive and he will often withdraw. This destroys any chance of true intimacy.
Five ways women kill a relationship without realising it…
1. By criticising him.
2. By threatening or actually withdrawing love.
3. By not acknowledging or appreciating him.
4. By taking control.
5. By challenging him.

Advice for men:
Women may seem like complex emotional beings; Yet they are often just looking for their core needs to be met. These are to feel safe, secure and cherished. Little girls dream of being the princess rescued by her knight in shining armour who whisks her away to his castle. Meet those needs, and you’ll experience the relationship of your dreams.
Five ways men kill a relationship without realising it…
1. By being indecisive or uncertain.
2. By forgetting to compliment her.
3. By not focusing on her or the relationship.
4. By asking for help or letting her take control.
5. By any form of aggression.

Source: http://www.stress.org.uk/

I think I did three out of the five...Ops? LOL! Btw, just sharing...I'm not stressed out. Not in relationship matter at least. LOL!

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My dissertation is going well...besides the fact that I have spent 25GBP on printing/photocopying materials for the research and I'm not done with it yet. Not complaining but...omfg that's ALOT of cash spent on photocopying! LOL! Chinese New Year just around the corner but aih...no Ang Pau to collect =(

I tried...

I thought it was better.

I thought it was easier.

I thought I was stronger.
I thought I would feel happier.
I thought you would feel the same way.

But they're all assumptions. So true. Break-up is a reason to stay away from relationships. It sucks. I cried on and off during the day but I suppose that's normal but it hit me hard at night. I hit the bed at 8pm and OMFG! I almost cried my heart out. It's kinda funny when I think of it now. Why?!

Thanks to my friends =p I called Nick and Grace about 4.30am in the morning (Malaysian time) because I couldn't text...my hands were busy with tissues. The funny thing was, they heard me cry for like 10 minutes plus per call! I had to put the phone down because I know it will cost me a bomb! I just had to call them. You guys are my angel! I heart you both to the max! Nick was laughing on the phone when I called him =.= that was mean, man! Anyhow, I really needed the calls...I felt better after that and cried another 2-3hours before I finally fall asleep.

Today, another day I skipped class. Instead of getting stucked in the room, I went out for a walk. It's freaking 2degrees but I just needed a walk. Walked all the way to Burnt Oak (20mins) and spend some time there walking in and out of shops. The main aim, Greggs Choc Chip Cookies...bought 4. I know...I'm going to get another ass! Sigh! Walked back and I passed by Asda so I figured I will get some groceries.

An advise, don't go grocery shopping after a break-up. I bought a tub of Ben & Jerry's, a huge pack of Doritos (tangy cheese flavour), and many more things...

If you come to London and see a lady with double pair of arse, shout for my name! It might just be me...LOL! I'm kidding...I know this post is emo la...I'm excused!

Replacements?!

When someone says:
Phrase 1: "I will find someone to replace you"
Phrase 2: "You've replaced someone"
Which hurts more?

When you're in a relationship with someone and you get those, is that good or bad? Well it work both ways. It's how you want to see it. *Yin Yang* babeh! LOL!

Phrase 1: "I will find someone to replace you"
When you are in a relationship and you both have to part due to some unforeseen or foreseen circumstances, this phrase is often common. The question is, should I feel good about it or not?! You decide. The Yin bit: Someone could actually replace you?! You then wonder, how special you are to that person! How much have you influenced that person while you were together? The Yang bit: You are a big part of the person's life. He/She will have to find someone to replace you! Wow! It shows that you've influenced him/her in some way and that he/she needs to find someone to replace your absence.

Phrase 2: "You've replaced someone"
Most people find this phrase such a turn off. Being someone's replacement is never a good thing! Says who?! I think it's up to you to decide what to think and believe. Just often we fall in to the hands of norms and societal expectations. The Yin bit: As stated earlier, you replaced someone! Being a replacement?! Gosh! Devastating! He/She doesn't see you as an unique individual that he/she fell in love with. The ex is still in the picture and you resemble him/her! Urgh?! The Yang bit: You are as good as he/she expected. Don't think of yourself as a replacement. You are someone new and that you have qualities that match his/her previous expectations. Feel lucky that he/she doesn't compare you with his/her ex and feel that you're not good enough to even replace them. That will be ouch-ing!

Therefore, things are not always that bad. It's how you yourself feel you want to think. One tip, always aim for the positive and make choices that will make you feel on top of the world. Bring that self-esteem up! Don't think too much! We spend too much hours on thinking and not doing. Over thinking will make you neurotic and cast depression on yourself. Self-causing illness *shakes head*

Sekian Terima Kasih!

Dinner and Colours

Dinner tonight:

Herbal chicken soup noodle =D

I was so excited to take a taste of it and only realized I forgot to take picture until half of it is digesting in my stomach =p Hence, one of the chicken drumstick bone in the small bowl. LOL! I know it's not a pleasing picture but...oh well =p Hope you're not eating while reading this.

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Story time...

In this new century, women are more outspoken than before. They strive harder in anyway, from career to personal achievement, even in romance. I remembered when I was still in high school, juniors in our high school really stepped up! Especially the girls. They were the ones doing the courting =S And the typical guys trying to look cool by acting like they don't care. Back then I thought, damn these girls are desperate! Now, I still thought of it that way. To be fair, I know it is a mutual thing but I wouldn't bother making the first move. If he makes the first move, I would know that he was the one who's interested in me more than I was in him.

Materialistic world. I don't know about other people but to me, having accessories, clothes and bags and shoes to match around makes me happy. I read a blog post from a successful millionaire businessman and he was saying that he spends wisely and all that and got to where he is today. He doesn't spend on materialistic things to make him happy. He said, people who needs to spend money to buy things to make themselves happy are living an unfulfilling life. Sorry, but BS?!

If you don't have a XX gene, you've never worn make-up, a dress, carry a Gucci, or strut in a pair of Jimmy Choo, and never had PMS before, do us sisters a favour...zip it! Most women feel happy shopping and buying things for themselves but it doesn't mean that they are not living a fulfilling life without all those. That is what make us bust our ass to compete with the males to climb up to higher positions. We want to earn more so we could keep buying things. It's call motivation! The kind that you never thought of. Somehow, the society is gender bias in some countries!

I think a woman should be independent. I'm not saying we should extinguish the dudes (because we need them in some way) but we should take the initiative to build our own foundation rather than hanging on to some rich (or not) guy like a parasite. One day he's gonna call you and say, "Please vacate my 5 storey mansion within an hour with all your belongings excluding what I've bought for you because I'm having a guest over". Knowing that he bought everything for you, you will be leaving with just a 20x20 hand carry that's big enough to put all your personal belongings in. Sad. Tragic.

Now, wouldn't it be better if you've got our own career, your own house (just in case you don't feel like hearing his snores), definitely your own sports car (chicks drive hot cars =p), your own build-in wardrobe with endless pieces of apparel, your own bling box with all kinds of coloured accessories enough to match each apparel, watches, shoes, bags and so on? Totally! At least if things won't work out between you two, you always have your belongings to cheer you up =) How can you ever feel depressed in this:

Colours! Love them!

Although I rarely wear some of them but looking at them makes me happy =D Okay I know the picture doesn't look that nice but those looks real nice on a body...seriously! So yea, don't wait for your guy to buy things for you...get it yourself =) New century...guys don't get things for their gfs anymore. To them spending on their games and boy toys comes first. Or they simply lack romance =p Whatever the reason is, don't wait for them to get your blings...it might never come!

Dinners and Where to draw the line?

Dinner last night:

I wanted to have something spicy =) Tom Yam soup!

With two chicken drumsticks, vege, and rice at the bottom =)

Dinner tonight:

Beef 'mun fan' again =p

I can't help but to write stories again. Bite me! =p

So yea...I was wondering, how much can you trust someone? What is actually trust? Where to draw the line? Well I'm talking about trust in relationships and not other types of trust but if you see the link with other types of trust, good for you! Lol! So yea, where to draw the line? It is so common for people to say 'All you need is to trust him/her', 'Love is about trust', etc. Sometimes you wonder, how much should I trust him?

As much as I would like to trust someone I love, it ain't easy. Definitely not my all! I do try =p but I wouldn't go there. Like I said before in the 'Doubts' post, doubts ARE necessary! Why? It's useful to protect your feelings...it's like your insurance =) When shit happens you got all your good stuff taken away from you and you feel like you're the unluckiest person in the world, you can count your insurance to bring you back up (that's if you insured enough)! Imagine the devastation if you had trust him 100% and he fooled you in the end? Unimaginable! Something I would not want to go through. Then again, I am not saying you should not trust the one you love but know where to draw the line so you won't hurt yourself...emotionally.

I think another factor to consider is the culture. Asians are typically more reserved. They are somewhat avoidant towards taking pictures that are physically in-contact with another person of the opposite sex. Where else, the Westerners do not see it as a problem. It is considered as a friendly gesture. Again, where to draw the line? Facebook is a online community where anyone can post up pictures of them and their friends. So I did a little research =) Yes, generally Westerners are more comfortable with any kind of pictures taken with their friends compared to Asians (who still somewhat have that 'keep your hands with you and I'll keep mine with me' gesture). To me, neither is wrong!

It very much depends on the principles of the individual...if you think it is a 'friendly gesture' to hold someone by the waist and get your picture taken, that is fine. If you think you are brought up in a culture that doesn't promote that kind of gesture, then don't do it! Then again, if you are ATTACHED to someone...THINK TWICE! That is where the commitment issues of a relationship comes in. Remember? Being in a relationship is about TWO INDIVIDUALS collaborating and accommodating each other to make each other happy. It means you both have your own brains! What you think is fine doesn't mean your partner will think that's fine too! You must have the courtesy to 'investigate' if your partner is comfortable with that kind of thing. Troublesome you say? Too bad, you're committed!

In a way, there is one thing you can't control. Your partner cheating on you. If he wants to cheat, he will cheat. He can come up with all kinds of lame excuses to explain where he's been and all you can do is to trust. Where to draw the line? When he start smelling like he's got a girl's perfume all over him! LOL! I'm kidding =p Well I think you really can't control it. No matter how much you trust him, I'm sure another girl will easily turn him on. Human nature! Don't ask why! So if you're fixing yourself up from a breakup; have you passed by guys and said to yourself, 'Damn, he's hawt! Why am I attached?' when you were still attached? See, your EX is not your all! If he could dump you for another, so can you =)

Your friends and him. Where to draw the line? Some people like sharing their friends with their partner but some don't. Pros and Cons. Sharing is caring you say? If you share your friends, I'm sure you'll trust your girls with him. Wait, are you sure you can? LOL! The question is, in reality are they trust-able? For me, I do trust my girls and I know (not think) they won't do such cheap stuff (yea, that's being cheap!). Here's where culture comes in again. From what I've learnt, no matter how close you are with your BFF who's kinda hot (you are always the hottest, love yourself girl! =p), you just can't trust that b*tch! Honey, don't be naive! My friend has got no idea her bf was humping other girls (who are her friends) behind her back! I have my sources =) How sad! Look at all those trust washed away...wasted! Give those trust to your financial planner =p at the end of the day, you'll end up with Gucci and Prada (and BabyPhat/KLS!) instead of empty tubs of ice-cream on your coffee table!

Note:

*I am not putting an disadvantage towards the male community when I used 'him' only and not 'him/her'. It's too long. So, it works both ways but since I'm a female, I'm writing it from a female point of view. No offence!

*BFF=Best Friend Forever

*Managing your finance is very important. Get a financial planner asap! PS: I recommend my mum =p seriously, she's the best! If you're my age and think that talking to my mum is like talking to your mum, you can talk to my brother then =D

Food that made me type...

Dinner tonight:

Cheese and ham ravioli, stir-fry vegetable and chicken fillet baked with buttered garlic mushrooms.
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Define love. Grace said. To me, I think love is something you must have courage to get into. It is no easy job. How hard is it to love someone, you ask? Very! People always talk about love problems. About how it destroys your life when you make that stpd mistake of falling in love. Can you restrain from falling in love? Well some people can, some just can't. Being in a relationship involves the whole package of how willing are you to be committed to another person, how ready are you to give-and-take, how accepting are you towards his/her bad habits, how much are you ready to let go for him/her, how much freedom will you let him/her hold...

WARNING: The following are my opinions and should not be generalized. This is based on the earlier stages of being in love...the kind of love that a 19 year old (turning 20) like me thinks how it should be. FYI, I am not ready for marriage and babies and therefore, this post is based on being in a relationship that doesn't lead to marriage =)

There is no right or wrong about falling in or out of love. When you fall in love, you fall in love and feel that you're the luckiest b*tch in the world. When you fall out of love, you fall out love and bring yourself up as quickly as you can and move on. Yes, you will feel the sudden loneliness, the coldness when you're alone, the silence of your mobile phone, the smiles that comes out just by reading his/her text, the cuddles and kisses he/she give you when you need it most...and even when you didn't need it. Definitely, time will heal all that provided that you want to be healed. It's like psychology...you can't solve your problem just by seeing the psychologist and hoping they will 'heal' you. YOU have to play a part too!

I think it is important to have control of your own feelings. How much you are actually willing to put in. Always remember that the deeper you fall in love, that will be how deep it hurts when you fall out of love. You may say that you won't know when you fall too deep in love...trust me, you'll know! You're just in denial. When you start freaking out for the smallest thing he/she did, when you start thinking about his/her present/future more than your own, when you start being suicidal for him/her (that is the stpd-est thing ever)!!! Control yourself...know what you want out of this and draw a line.

There is no such thing as 'I want to love because I want to give. I don't want anything back'. Being in a relationship is a 50/50 thing. If you are not getting your 50, pack your suitcase and be gone! If you're not giving your 50, help him/her pack their suitcase and ask him/her to leave. I don't mean it materialistically but emotionally and morally. If he's flushing out cash and you are flushing out emotionally, this is going no where. I always believe in mutual contribution...until you reach a stage where 'what's-yours-is-mine-what's-mine-is-yours'...that is falling deeper in love. Being in a relationship doesn't literally mean two-become-one...you are still having your own feminine (masculine for guys) body with your own personality, your own thoughts, your own perceptions, and pretty much everything of your own. It is how you both collaborate what you have as an individual to make each other happy.

Being in a relationship doesn't mean you can put him/her before your friends. I have experienced uncountable instances where friends just drop you for their other half. To a certain extent, it is alright to choose him/her over your friends at certain occasions (like meeting up because you haven't met up for some time) but NEVER NEVER delete your friends! Some people rarely contact with their friends and only find them when they need comfort after an argument. So not cool! Those people deserve this two words: F*ck off! =) At the end of the day...your friends are the only people you can count on to help heal you when sh*t happens.

Relationship...relation...on a ship...okay am playing =p Another thing which people should know. Being in a relationship is all about TWO people (unless you're in some love triangle or orgyship =s) and no one else should have say in the direction the ship goes. Take their advises and digest it using your own cognition, not take and apply. If you're old enough to love, you're old enough to have a mind of your own. I've got a friend who's got a gf from another race and they've gone out for almost 6 years...they were planning to get married! Sadly, the girl's parents didn't allow him to marry her because he was from another race. Okay that is seriously BS! Common you guys! What century is this?! What does the colour of the person's skin got to do with the love you're feeling anyway? There is no correlation between skin colour and behaviour/attitude. No proven research. This would be a silly research topic anyway (Psyc students, don't use this as your dissertation topic =p). When you fall in love, fall in love with the personality and characteristics of the person...the colour and the stereotypes of the person's ethnicity don't matter!

Here's the ugly part. Breakups. I don't know about other people but to me, it is a big thing...something I wouldn't mess around with. Think before you act and make sure there will be no regrets (can you deal with the sudden loneliness etc?). When I call it quits, that is when it hits my limit. Everyone should have that limit and should obey by that limit. Being in a relationship is supposed to elevate your happiness level and not your emo level! If you are spending too much on tissues, drinking too much water to rehydrate your body from the tears, and changing wet pillowcases all the time, call it quits! There is room for A chance(no 's' behind). Everyone makes mistake and should deserve A chance to fix things up. Two is the MAX! Never will there be THREE chances to take that disappointing fella back! How can you feel the love after three 'potong-stim' occasions? Sorry but I only have that much stim and after it is gone, it ain't coming back! I will look for a new pot of water to boil to get a whole new stim =p Think twice, thrice, all you need to but make sure you stand by what you have finally decided.

It is human nature to like experiencing positive feelings...someone supporting you and giving you unconditional love. Interestingly, it doesn't mean that everyone wants to be loved (leave those people alone!), some people prefer having their own space. Individual differences =) so there is really no right or wrong whether to fall in love or not...it's just whether has the right person come by and whether you are committed to invest the necessary things to make it work.

Indeed a long post. Take and digest, do not take and apply until it goes through your own head for approval. I wasn't talking about anyone else in this post so don't feel offended in any way. Love y'all!

Doubts in relationships...necessary?

Check 212...aha aha =p okay I'm too bored! (It's my 212th post, hence the 212 =p) 13 hours and 30minutes before taking off from KLIA (Kuala Lumpur International Airport) and I am stuck at home. "Stay at home to rest", my mum says...well, I AM BORED! LOL! I'm starting to have imaginations of me shopping at One Utama...for some reason =.= and sipping a glass of Chocolate Lounge's Fair Lady (OMGUMUSTTRY! *Pictures in next post) Dream on...!

Anyway, it struck me...in a relationship, are doubts necessary? Of course most people would think doubts are weaknesses in a relationship. It's stereotypical to conform to behaviours that tend to avoid development of doubts in a relationship. People think that by having doubts, it reflects distrust. Personally, I think having a little doubt is healthy! Obviously too much of it is a weakness but having none at all is also a weakness! Why? Well imagine this:

You totally trust your partner and have no doubts in your relationship. He/she goes out and party, socialize, mingle with their friends and it may come to you that he/she is just being friendly. He/she took a little longer to reply you and you think he/she is busy with something important and you are cool with it. He/she says he/she can't come and see you because something 'important' came up and you forgive him/her. Here comes the drama.

One day, he/she told you he/she cheated on you. Would you agree that it will be super devastating on yourself? The trust you put in your partner, the time spent to keep the relationship alive, the excuses you make for him/her to explain the silliest things they did...all gone? What if you have doubts in the relationship before? Would it be easier for you to let your partner go for the right reasons? (Yes, you should let them go when they cheat on you! No excuses!) Also by having doubts, it shows that you care for your partner and you do want to keep this relationship going...and not that you don't trust your partner. That's what i think...comments?

One long post!

Picture updates!!! LOL! Like finally! I'm at Starbucks (again) and I have work at THE Gym later...in between that, working out in the gym =p So here are the pics I promised...

My Friends that I love sooooo much!!!

(Including Grace...LOL!)

Me and my bessie! Hugs!
My other best bud! Love u babe!

The quadruplets! LOL!

Su Yee, Jeff and Wei Hon =D

Dessert Bar, Hartamas:

Because my mum is the greatest person on earth, I bought her dessert =p Scoop of rum and raisin and green tea with azuki beans...it's not cheap! LOL!

Why I like my job at BarterXchange? I get to eat for free =p

TGI Fridays, One Utama:

Nice number...LOL!

Cranberry Fizz

Chicken something...LOL!

Barbecued chicken salad

'Three for all' (UK version: Time Square Big Share)

Local food:

Maggie Goreng

Thai food: Kueh Teow Pattaya

Home-made salad tofu

Thai food: Sticky rice with mango

Nyonya nasi lemak!

Bento!!! OMG so lovely!

Shopping leads to cam-whoring =p

New dress from Nichii Fashion City

My 'hiao' mother =p (the tattoo artist labeled her)

The crazy 4inch heels i wore on my first day of work!

First day of work attire =)

Owh...a little update on the trip to Borneo Ink...I'm getting another one!!! LOL! I paid a non-refundable deposit so no, I won't sit out on this. The shocking thing is, my mum is getting one too! The bizarre thing is, she's getting the SAME one as me...LOL! So yes, I have a lot of homework to do as I want it to be a unique one.

Time for gym and then 8 hours of boredom! LOL! Owh...before I forget; To my dear friends who're going through a rough patch in terms of relationship, stand strong my friend...there's many fishes in the sea! No, it's not easy to forget the one you love and getting to know that the person you love so much no longer loves you is of course devastating...but life's too short to be sad over such people who don't cherish your love! Love is a fragile game...if you chose to play it, you have to be prepared to face the worst feeling of defeat. Cherrios! Hugs!